The Book of Boba Fett: Season One - A Few Thoughts
As I watched the first two seasons of The Mandalorian, I had a lot of thoughts on the matter. Mostly that the show was derivative, loaded with tropes and cliches, monotonous in pacing, but with a stellar score. As The Book of Boba Fett was being pitched, I had a feeling that I would also have Thoughts on the Matter. In the immortal words of Rick O'Connell, "here we go again."
The first in a series of posts on 'My Thoughts on TBoBF' and other Star Wars series. A new thread after each season!
Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Series
- Talk about a bad case of heartburn.
- Wow... such original cinematogray, a hand shooting out of the ground! First off, the impracticality of being able to shove your arm past the elbow into the air without having disturbed any other part of the ground, especially with a big-ass helmet covering your dumb noggin'.
- I always thought the tiny t-shaped visor slot was just for show - that they actually had broad visibility in the helmet. But that shot tells me the Mandalorians really have shitty visibility.
- How can he have such perfectly white teeth having been malnourished, dehydrated, and nearly dead for... however long it's been. Even if this was just one day - there's no way he has a porcelain grill.
- It seems like we're being told that there are less-bad-guys (like his captors) and very-bad-guys (like these brigands that beat up a farmer and tagged his abode). Who are we rooting for again?
- If you're the crime boss, why do you think anyone would keep their word; especially old bodyguards.
- I can't even describe how uninteresting this fight scene is... how do they manage to make it so boring?
- Space parkour ninjas! They're all the rage.
- I get pretty pissed off, too, when someone disturbs my slumber.
- A simple act of kindness always sparks another.
At first, I thought this episode was going to be tolerable; the longer it went on, it dipped into terrible. By the time the episode was over... well, Drew Magary was much more eloquent about what an abysmal failure this episode was.
Chapter 2: The Trying Times of Carry About Tattooine
- Something that consistently bothers me about these wide shots is that shows the broad expanse of land around the characters; how small these travelers are compared to the openness around this enormous building. And yet, on the close-up shot, it looks like they just got off their speeder/wagon/horse and these last two miles of footsteps in-frame have been a leisurely stroll.
- Already really frikkin' predictable with the threaten-the-big-monster-haha-it's-not-really-there trope.
- Marching your prize through the square is a nice touch.
- Boba Fett has a (supposedly) internationally reknown assissin and two generic goblin guards, with seemingly no really support otherwise. Why does he seem to think he has a whole network of goons that'll back him in a power challenge? Clearly, I don't understand these power dynamics.
- "Bloodshed is bad for business." I need to find a way to work that into my next Ted talk.
- Those are some impressive sniper shots, moving on a train that quick, hitting prone humanoids, and missing very few shots.
- Now we're supposed to feel sorry for the dessert pirates because they are treating the protagonist well and one of the dead is a kid?
- Talk about a low risk bet: "wait, wait... so for the low cost of one rifle and one stick, you'll take out that train that just sniped several of our people? haha... ok, buddy. Best of luck!"
- The poor bartender/inn keeper: while these guys were assholes, they probably spent more money than they cost the place, and they were probably regular patrons. Now they're gonna be pissed off and take it out on the place.
- There has been no hit at why this train is bad, why it's so important to risk all these lives to stop it, or why I should care about this heist. Did the "Motivation?" card on the storyboard just disappear?
- Are we supposed to be drawing comparison to the "vision quest" trope, here? And did they just send a lizard up his nose, then let him wander off, tripping balls? What the actual fuck?
- How come he doesn't get a funky mask and other acoutrimonts?
It's a nice little touch to add some culture and sense of depth into the dessert raiders. This whole backstory part of the episode feels very A Man Called Horse or Dances with Wolves.
Chapter 3: I Tried So Hard To Not Hate This
I sat down to watch the episode without my notepad open, to see if I could enjoy the show more without task switching back and forth. Maybe if I saved all my thoughts for the end, I would have less of them in general, but they would be more meaningful because only the parts I could remember would be worth ranting about. I lasted almost 23 minutes, but it got too terrible for me to not go back and write this shit down. I don't have the full words for how bad it is.
- Why is Boba just now getting a debriefing on the current state of claimed control of the city? Shouldn't that be the first thing you do before you go out (not once, but at least twice!) and start collecting tribute?
- Cyberpunk without goggles? Posers.
- I still don't care about the Tuskan people. The writers haven't given me reason to care about anyone in this show so far.
- The little cameo of the repair lady with her droids was a nice touch. I still don't care about anyone on Tatooine.
- That fight scene with the kids should have never happened. The wookie had the element of surprise, so why couldn't he just open the water tank and fucking stab Boba Fett right then and there. Or shoot him with a blaster. Or lock the tank shut and cut off his air supply. Lots of options that are better than "open the tank, punch Boba, then yank him out the tank." Then the fight itself was so amatuer that I wonder if the director just told the actors "ok, fight", called in his lunch order, then came back to the scene and said "move into the room with the trap door and capture the wookie that way. The audience will love it." So fucking bad
- The Huts travel by litter. They travel really fucking slowly. How does someone not alert Boba earlier about the Huts approaching. Like "hey boss, there are two slugs approaching from town, looks like it'll take them about a week for their slaves to walk them here. Just letting you know." Nope, it's "hey boss, the Huts are here. Dunno how they just suddenly appeared at our remote fortress."
- Danny Trejo is always a win.
- Droid: "Excuse me, sir." Boba: "Not now." Droid: blahblahblah unimportant, nonurgent matters
- Are you kidding me?! The kids have Power Ranger bikes! Just need a black and pink bike to round out the full team.
- You know what would be great to have in a desert while chasing another vehicle? Goggles.
- I think the most tragic part of this chase scene is the poor intern who had to go get that Jabba print made, only to see it then get broken in half. I'm sure it'll still sell for a stupid amount on ebay to some fanboi.
- Was answering the question really so hard? What would have been bad about saying "hey, it wasn't my choice, so don't kill me - the mayor isn't here because he's talking to the Pikes right now. See - his office is empty."
Chapter 4: Boba Fett and the Chamber of Flashbacks
I was so bored through this episode that I didn't even both writing anything down until the bar scene.
- Oh Disney+, where you can rip an alien's arm off, but you can show any blood splatter.
- So that tune that sounds awfully like The Mandalorian's theme, is supposed to tip off fans that she's talking about pulling in some more armored suits?
When I first watched the scene with the Sarlacc, I kept thinking "did I miss something? I know I was bored and probably checked out, but they must have mentioned so reason why Boba thought his armor would be inside the pit, even though he used its weapons to get out and crawled out of the pit with it still on, and then had it stripped off of him in broad daylight. huh." Turns out that no, I didn't miss anything, there was just a giant, sloppy plot hole. This show is so awful.
Chapter 5: Thank God the Mandalorian Returns
- I was sour on The Mandalorian for a while and over time it grew on me. This opening scene was easily the best scene this show has seen so far. The cool, calm, cliche swagger; the sigh of resignation that these henchmen are going to die protecting the bounty target like so many others; the self-injury caused by using a weapon he doesn't have a lot of experience with; and the reasonable statements to get through another crowd ("if you'll do me the honor of letting me pass"). Just fantastic writing, directing, and acting (by BoBF standards).
- A Dyson ring! Fantastic sci-fi reference.
- Can he not catch a taxi?
- Well that shot has Judgement Day written all over it.
- "Okay, this Boba Fett centered show just isn't working, is it. How about we do an episode of The Mandalorian?"
- Deposit all your weapons, but the jetpack is fine?
- Was this a 'lost episode' of The Mandalorian that the-powers-that-be decided would be great for fans to get a break from Boba? Because it worked. I'll tune in next week.
Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes Timothy Olyphant
- Timothy Olyphant is always a win. Gunslinger Timothy Olyphant is a double win.
- This seems like a very inefficient way to build a building; it also seems like cheating to build a building that looks handmade while utilizing a colony of robotic ants.
- The kid has PTSD induced amnesia, and you're just gonna retraumatize him?
- "Don't try; do" baaaaaaarf fanservice.
- Apparently Cylon-cam is going to be a regular thing, now.
- Is anyone allowed to just fly their ship into the garage and casually get out before challenged by an orge with an axe? Nobody told the doorman they were expecting friendly visitors?
- They are building an army; we've got a wookie and a Mandalorian.
- Timothy Olyphant (you have the say the whole name every time) could pierce beskar armor with that look.
- Every time they repeat "The Syndicate" I get confused about which show we're in. So many shows have used this trope that it is tiresome.
- Does this fancy new/old building get destroyed in an upcoming movie? I clearly wasn't paying enough attention to those movies.
- Armor or Weapon - seems like a pretty asshole choice to force the kid to make.
- Is Groku going to get his own series, too?
- If Timothy Olyphant is for real dead, this show is officially the worst timeline.
- If Jennifer Beals is for real dead, this show is most definitely officially the worst timeline.
Ok, so The Mandalorian Season 2.5 seems to be going well enough. It's a little weird that the producers decided to pad BoBF Season 1 by splicing Mando into it, but I'm okay with getting off of Boba for a few episodes.
Chapter 7: Season Finale Already?! That's Fantastic
- Nothing like being a puppet who thinks he has no strings.
- Oooh... heist-style montage explaining how the operations are progressing.
- Boba Fett is in beskar armor, which can supposedly take the hits from those "backshooters". Why not just pop off the asshole and be done with it?
- Why would you use hand-to-hand weapons on the wookie when you can just shoot him from multiple angles?
- Same question with the body guards.
- How do you write "fuck all the way off" in Star Wars-eeze?
- Knee-cap gun?! That's something unique.
- Oh look, the two Mandalorians are at the lowest, almost being defeated by the horde of villians. Who ever will save the day?
- Are you surprised that Freetown came to the rescue? I'm just shocked.
- You mean the battle just escalated with the big-evil Syndicate bringing in heavy firepower? How could we have seen that coming?
- I will never understand how advanced machines can miss their shots. Weapon firings are all calculations which it is doing in real-time. These aren't terribly complication for the computer - so how in the hell can they have terrible aim?
- Case in point - it missed a Rancor!!!
- Strafing maneuver; well played. Something every FPS gamer knows is key to beating a slow turning turret.
- After all the josseling and that's what knocks Boba off his ride.
- There was a moment where I was really hoping that The Book of Boba Fett was a one-and-done novella. Kill off the dude, then let someone else take the Boba Fett mantle. But then again, they can't do that to the fans.
- Between the Rancor and Gigantosaurus, there's this theme of big, loud, angries just being misunderstood.
- Is The Story of Groku finally done with Tatooine? Because this is a really boring planet that the Star Wars cinematic universe keeps coming back to.